CELEBRI-tweets: Dead Osama edition


Image Courtesy of @DaveinAz

Today is a great day, not only because it is the SECOND day that the Earth is no longer under the burden of the moral and physical stain that was Osama Bin Laden, but because it marks the first edition of… CELEBRI-TWEETS.

In Celebri-tweets, we peruse the putrid, fetid tweetstreams of our worst celebrities to report on their unabashed idiocy! Fun for the whole family! That is, if your family is all above 18 or so. These celebs have potty mouths! Ok, let’s get started!

Here’s the tweet that got it all started – oh wait.. actually… NO. That’s not the case, because the Obama admin NEVER begins on time, unlike our pal, Dubya. It’s true, look it up.

First up, Steve Martin, who of late, has annoyed people with his appearance pushing his art book, and not brought the funny. I guess he thought to extend that mild annoyance to his tweets, with this non-committal joke. Was it meant with a disapproving sneer or just a flippant thought to mark the occasion? Seems to have a tinge of that disdain liberals have for the common man who just like their Clint Eastwood movies.  You be the judge!

Spike Lee, never to be undone in his Leftist partisan rhetoric, released a torrent of shameless tweets firmly planting his lips on Obama’s backside, mocking and deriding the previous administration, and then, of course, implying that anyone who would possibly object to his tirade, as…. what card is that? Is that an ace of spades? Ten of hearts? Ohhhh.. it’s the racecard.

Rihanna, hip hop star and surreptitious Freemason occult maven, marked the occasion in keeping with her gnostic teachings, by making oblique references to the event. Like most religious icons, she constantly droned on about a new music release at the same time, by the name of “man down”… has anyone looked into whether the NAVY SEAL team had any illumaniti connections?!

Oprah is one of the best shameless self-promoters, and yet she seems to drop the ball here. C’mon Oprah, you could have at least teased us with a, “Did Obama give hints about Osama mission? Watch on the next Oprah!” At least didn’t make the celebrity tweet faux pas of saying anything patriotic or supporting the military.

It almost seems to imply that she’s a little upset the ONE didn’t share the news with her? After all, what’s the point of having opportunities to avenge the deaths of 3,000 Americans if he’s not going to use it to extend Oprah’s imperialistic media empire?! We’re all happy she put an Oprah flag on this momentous occasion with an assertion that she was happy to have the President of the United States on her show.

Like I’ve said before, I don’t much fear the Military-Industrial Complex, but I AM much a feared of Oprah’s Media-Femino-Humanist Complex and it’s invasive tentacles undulating and stretching into all the shadowy, spongy crevices of American society. That description even creeps me out.

Leonardo DiCaprio keeps his eye on the ball. Specifically, that ball attached to a tiger. That sounded better in my head. Leo showed what’s truly important – not the historic death of America’s greatest enemy. Rather, we need to come together and encourage Tiger Woods to improve his golf game and stop with the sex addiction?! That doesn’t make ANY sense! hippy.

Meanwhile Khloe Kardashian, like an anti-Nietszche, ponders the dangers of peering into the stupidity of her own show… the stupidity hath peered back at her!

She must be some kind of thought-vampire… she wants to devour her followers’ thoughts so that someday, she might have one herself! That Lamar Odom is a lucky guy.

He also was much too concerned with his show (and probably in trying to explain it to Khloe), to notice the greatest nation in the world had just caught and killed it’s worst enemy in 10 years. Eh. I don’t blame him.

Jimmy Kimmel tweets his own unique blend, or is that bland, of humor with the safest of sentiments. As faint as it was, at least he took a stand! He’s anti-Osama! That’s quite courageous in Hollywood…

Jimmy Fallon made one of the more common observations – but if Obama timed the announcement to trump Trump, wouldn’t that make him peevish and small-minded? No matter, the leftist entertainment supports their unicorn dreamer!

Ah Patton Oswalt, adorable little midget ogre, in full support of our president, without a mention of the military or the great victory for America. Also, that’s a crappy song. Also, if he were conservative, that would be construed as a veiled threat. Countdown to what, teapartier? To as assassination?! DO you want him to hold his head up so you have a better SHOT?!

Jim Carrey – again with the boogieman talk – does everyone believe that we have no enemies except those that the political class supposedly  fabricates?

We all hoped and prayed that poor little Taylor Swift’s day at the Met wasn’t ruined by the death of Osama, and we can all be assured that it wasn’t! It sounds like she had a much more magical night than Bin Ladin did. And that’s a good thing. After having Kanye West interrupt and ruin her VMA night, it would be a shame for man of another shade of color skin to ruin ANOTHER magical night for her. That IS how Hitler got started, after all.

Kim Kardashian, on the other hand, is only on the list for the aesthetic value. Which, I’m pretty sure is the only reason she is anywhere in existence. She registers some excitement that our enemy is dead.

Katy Perry has gotten some grief over her comments. She got the most for this tweet, which is also in the running for most devoid of thought or insight. I wonder how long it took for her to find the little frownie?

No, Katy Perry, I don’t believe that. I do believe that vapid cliches will make the world intellectually senseless, however!

Conan O’Brien uses the culmination of ten years of men and women fighting and dying in order to bring a murderer to justice as a way to… advertise for a skit on his show. Hmmm. If that Late Night Talk show thing doesn’t work out, he could always manage Kenneth Cole’s Twitter PR!

I love Marlee Matlin‘s tweets – they’re like a journey from her Hollywood mind out to reality, and then back! She’s understandably upset and confused about why her show is being pre-empted. Then the focus turns to the White House, just like her old tv show! Wow!! Did they model the White House after the show? It looks so real! Then the reality strikes.

She kinda bounces back and forth between show-promotion and sincere tweets about the military.

In response to Marlee, Donald Trump Jr. again offers what is a sincere tweet in appreciation of the military. It sounds genuine. Then to assure everyone he’s sincerely sincere, there is a hasty RT of a friend. Finally, let’s just combine our self-promotion with our love for the military! God Bless America!

Thank goodness Lady Gaga landed – she was on a multi-pharmaceutical trip through the plants of our galaxy! As if the “War Against Terror” wasn’t vague enough, General Gaga extends the theatre of war to extend now to all hatred! Invade.. uh.. everyone’s brains! With.. love. Or just buy my next album.

Luckily for Kelly Ripa, she doesn’t need to shamelessly promote herself while acknowledging one of the most important moments in the 21st century- her fans do it for her! Her next tweet was to offer proof to her fans that this cute little blonde airhead indeed carries more gravitas than the death of Bin Laden. If I were Stevie Nicks, I’d be pretty pissed off…

Oh Kathy Griffin! The alphabet doesn’t have enough letters in it to measure the many degrees past “second-rate” that you’ve happily dived towards! Of course, she could not offer even the tiniest scrap of jubilation that America’s greatest enemy was dead.

At first I thought the charities she tweeted are worthy ones, until @PruPaine informed that @IAVA is actually a front for Leftist causes (read here!). This makes me wonder about @VETTIX, which ostensibly provides free tickets for veterans, but probably only to her anti-Republican revue, and @AmericasVetDogs providing guidance dogs for vets – as Prudence quipped, do these sight dogs only turn Left? Are they commie pinko pooches?! The fact that she has this link readily at hand undermines what otherwise would be a nice sentiment to her tweeting..

Bill Cosby neglects to mention the event at all, and makes this odd tweet about smoking pot? Really? He sent this out late the next day.

Thank goodness Charlie Sheen seems to be getting off the crack, and forgetting his crazed TRUTHER beliefs. After all, why would you think killing the innocent man framed for 9/11 was WINNING? Maybe Bin Laden was IN on it with George Bush, and once Obama sends the Navy Seals after HIM as well, America will be… you guessed it, BI-WINNING!

I don’t know what to make of the rotund trainwreck of flesh and nasal attitude that is Rosie O’Donnell – is she joking, or is she actually mixing up Osama with Saddam Hussein? It has a character of her jokes – it drags on, and it’s not very funny. A few other Leftists mentioned Bradley Manning – were they hoping that Osama would set him free to give up more of our military secrets? Her ‘boogeyman’ comment also smacks of conspiracy thinking – just what will the industrial-military machine do without a fall guy?! As long as the ho-ho’s and twinkies keep being dumped on her lawn by the ton, I’m sure she’ll get by.

Ashton Kutcher probably meant that he didn’t get any of them, and was getting tired of asking his mommy-wife to explain each one. No mention of the Osama kill since this tweet.

Joan Rivers is hilarious – it took her a pretty long time to come up with this little gem, but we’ll forgive her since she implies to be happy Osama’s dead.

Joy Behar, leftist hagtroll, had a swipe at Donald Trump that referenced Nixon’s enemy list? If only she refreshed her jokes as often as she redoes her plastic surgery. It took a few days before she references Osama at all, and only in abject worship of her asinine idol. Again, this from the people who would accuse us of politicizing every event – the only context she cares about Osama being brought to justice is whether or not it helps Obama be re-elected.

Colin Quinn has a few great jokes at Osama’s expense – while he never makes any overt thankful tweets to our military, his anger at Osama shows through his tweets. At one point, someone must have criticized him for his comments, because he responds to them saying, “I will not get off my soapbox. I don’t give a care. Today I’m pulling out all stops. Eff it.” Fine by me!

And now we come to the smirking stain on the underwear of humanity, Bill Maher. It’s almost futile to report on anything ridiculous he might have tweeted, as he does so on a daily basis in the media. Still, it’s worth noting, that his first mention of Osama seems to reassure the Maher of days past, who lamented that Obama wasn’t “gangsta” enough:


Remember, kids, it’s only racist if you vote Republican!

Snooki, took some time off her college speaking gig to tweet this poignant, but not overly sentimental tweet about the geo-political impact of Osama’s death, and how this moment shall touch all our lives forever. Brought tears to my eyes.

Sandra Bernhard, long-time washed up comedian, and from the looks of that tweet background, pre-op tranny, graces us with the admission that the doesn’t know the meaning of the words, “class” or “dignity”. Stay away from those Baltimore McDonalds’ bathrooms, Sandro.

Anderson Cooper at least admitted the stirring in the soul when watching so many celebrating a victory for our country. Later he got beat up walking from the computer to his couch by Egyptian protestors. Poor ‘lil fella.

The more remarkable set of tweets, however, come from the irascible, and mostly insane, Roseanne Barr. She has fallen from grace, after having a hugely popular show, and only was able to get into the headlines by dressing up as Hitler, and posing in front of an oven (she’s of Jewish ancestry).

While using some saucy language, Roseanne showed some undistinctive wisdom by ACTUALLY wondering if Bush had been right all along! Imagine that! It’s not every day Roseanne Barr shows herself to be the brightest and most intellectually honest of the Left! She actually shows a lot of happiness over the death of this evil man, wishes America become more united afterward, and rightly accuses Osama of misogynism, and of killing other Muslims.

Really remarkable set of observations from someone I’d expect bland idiotic aphorisms in support of Obama (which she also adds). If only Paul Krugman, or Andrew Sullivan, or other lefty intellectual elites were as bright as Roseanne…

Meanwhile, fellow comedian Lisa Lampanelli said something rather funny, but mostly vulgar. Click on the image to see her “earthy” response to the Osama news.

Of the best tweets of the night was from my home, MC HAMMER! He calls Osama’s terrorism out for what it is, and unashamedly describes what the proper response is to it evil being vanquished – rejoicing. 2 Legit 2 QUIT!

And because we have to end on a high note…. here’s LiLo!

… call me,baby!!!



Not that I’d call myself a celebrity (just yet), but I am rather proud of some of my tweets that night – I was deliriously happy. And by ‘deliriously’, I mean ‘drunk’. SO here you go, lucky readers:

And I stand by those tweets!

Special thanks to Prudence Paine for logistical support and helping with commentary!

Thank you, dear reader, for joining us on this whirlwind tour of the Celebri-Tweets, Dead Osama Edition!

Till next time,