As our nation careens uncontrollably into another election year, we take a break again to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday. Commemorating the gathering of Pilgrims and Native Americans together to give thanks to God (and/or Great Sky Spirit), this day was established as an early tradition by the 1600s, blessed by Abe Lincoln, and comes down to us as the day to take pause and reflect on our blessings.

However, not all Americans celebrate this day, and it seems to me, not all should. It is my contention that Thanksgiving is essentially a conservative holiday, and that it is philosophically and politically opposed to the beliefs of those Americans who would scurrilously assign themselves the epithet of “liberal“.

There are three important and essential elements to the holiday of Thanksgiving: what we give thanks for, from whence this thanks comes, and to whom it is given.

Conservative Americans are thankful for America and those inalienable rights it defends. This gratitude comes from a sense of humility and piety, and is specifically thankful to God for granting them. There are few things more American than this equation.

Now let us look at the Liberal.

The leftist liberal is not thankful. They don’t believe there’s anything to be thankful about. Many of their intellectual heroes excoriate and condemn America publicly. If you believe America is an evil country that was founded for the sake of the few, and has made the world worse, and allowed the rich to exploit the poor, why would you be thankful for America? Let’s look at some examples:

And there are many more examples of how liberals deride America, emphasizing the worst aspects of our history, and ignoring the best. Ask yourself a simple question – do you do this with your friends and family? Do you emphasize the worst of their character because you think it’s the most honest and best understanding of who they really are? Would you want people to do that with you?

American Exceptionalism

Few ideas differentiate between conservatives and liberals more than that of American Exceptionalism. If you truly believe that America is founded on principles and institutions that are not only good, but exceptionally better than those of other countries, wouldn’t you have to be grateful to be a citizen of such a nation? Alternately, if you believe, as Obama has opined, that American exceptionalism is relative, just as good as Italian, German or Greek exceptionalism, then at the very best, we are equal and in no way better than other countries. Why should someone be grateful of that?

That the United States has a special place in history has been an assumption among Americans since before it’s inception. Governer William Bradford first identified America as a city built on a hill, a shining example before the world – this was in the 1600s. Throughout our history, Americans believed we had a special mission to bring prosperity and freedom to the world. How would a liberal have any faith in this, knowing as they do that America was never truly living up to the standards it set forth?

The answer is simple – the liberal cannot be thankful because they do not believe in any American mission, because most do not believe in a God to give us that mission.

So liberal democrats have nothing to be thankful for in America, and no one to be thankful to - so where should a gratefulness come if they had any?

Realism Versus Utopian Idealism

What many on the Right have diagnosed of the liberal mind is that they don’t actually love America as it is. They love it as an ideal they want it to be, but isn’t. The dichotomy between the self-labeling of both parties provide an enlightening contrast. Conservatives mostly want to maintain the institutions and principles that have gotten us to where we are, because we basically believe they are good. “Progressives” believe some murky ill-conceived and undefined process is always better than where we are. Why be thankful for something you essentially believe is a failure at best, and evil at worst?

In this, we show our character – Conservatives look at America and see a glass half full, and Liberals look at it as half empty. In times like ours of entrenched partisanship, the right tends towards saying the glass is all full, and the left tends towards saying it’s completely empty.

So why be thankful?

In the end, I sincerely believe only conservatives can fully celebrate Thanksgiving without severe cognitive dissonance.

Now there have many examples of conservatives not living up to their ideals. I am not arguing that no liberal could live a mostly moral life. However, the simple fact is that conservatives have a philosophical framework that allows, if not, demands, humility and a piety before those blessings bestowed by God. Liberals have no such compunction.

So this is why the liberal cannot reasonably celebrate Thanksgiving. The conservative naturally thanks God for the blessings of liberty and prosperity granted through the establishment of our great nation that defends those rights, from an inner sense of personal obligation and sincere gratitude.

The liberal is opposite in all three characteristics of the meaning of Thanksgiving. They are hateful to our country and it’s founding, and are thankful only to themselves in the hopes that through their self-centered smug righteousness, they might redeem the evils of the world around them.

***

In this spirit, I offer the following olive branch to liberals – if you want to celebrate Thanksgiving with the rest of us, then be intellectually honest about it.

Henceforth I christen liberal Thanksgiving celebrations under the name of “Hatesgiving“!

Here are some suggestions for your Hatesgivings traditions:

1) “We, the privileged descendants of racists and eurocentric imperialists, come together on this day to pray to ourselves that we might go forth, apologizing and begging for forgiveness. We thank ourselves for our strength and fortitude in hating this evil country, founded on slavery, bathed in native blood, erected on the bones of innocents. We, holy in our smug self-regard, justified through empty slogans, thank only ourselves, in the name of the self, the ego and the sacred self-gratification.

And now the ritual wringing of hands. [all wring hands]

2) Our meal: A white pilgrim baby made from tofu, with a little pilgrim hat to signify the willingness of the participants to go through any humiliation of their ancestors to justify their race and their civilization. Other dishes include bitter pie made from unripe fruits.

[all wring hands]

3) “This bottle of tapatio hot sauce symbolizes the pepper spray our unbathed hippy brothers, sisters and otherwise suffered through the 1960s, and now again, our unbathed hipster brothers, sisters, and otherwise, suffer still. Take, shake this tapatio sauce on your tofu pilgrim baby.”

[all wring hands]

4) “This chimichanga from Taco Bell symbolizes the culture, labor and prosperity our evil country have taken from our diminutive brown brothers and sisters to the South. Take, eat this chimichanga, that someday the southern border wall might also be devoured.”

[all wring hands]

5) “This syringe, filled with methamphetamines, ecstasy, and crack cocaine, symbolizes the destruction of our health care system by the right wing Nazis who dare advocate for the remuneration of the eternal enemy of goodness, Big Pharma. Take, plunge, this syringe of revelation into the vein of subjugation.”

[all wring hands and gather in a drum circle]

You’re welcome, liberals.

 

***

…and just in case you think I’m making all of this up, read Why We Shouldn’t Celebrate Thanksgiving, by a leftist.

 

*** update ***

I happened upon this “liberal Thanksgiving prayer” by William S. Burroughs. Caution, there is some strong language.

The highest comment on youtube getting the most agreement with was the following:

“people that are offended by this are just denying how real it is.”
elreboK 5 months ago

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2 Responses to Why Liberals Shouldn’t Celebrate Thanksgiving

  1. Great read. LOL at the hand wringing. We had our neighbors over for dinner, I walked them out to their car at the end of the day and I’d never noticed that Obama sticker on their car before and I had something else to be thankful for, I made it through the entire day and the conversation was light and pleasant and I never once brought up politics. That’s actually an accomplishment for me and it was good that the day was pleasant and it could have been a lot different had we gone there.

    Ah, but it was also good to land on your article and get my political fix as well.

  2. Perfect. The so-called “OWS Library” “librarians” practice Hatesgiving as well. See : “Today is a National Day of Mourning,” by Michael, Occupy Wall Street Library, 24 November 2011.

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