Obamacare National Phone Number Easy To Remember: 1-800-F*CK-YO!

If you’ve ever wondered what our self-appointed intellectual superiors at Obamacare HQ really think about you, they’ve made it painfully obvious when you try to give’em a call on the phone and ask for your ObamaHugsCare.

If you take a look at the alphanumerical combinations of the national Obamacare phone number, this is what you get:

1-800-3 (F) 1 8 (U) – 2 (C) 5 (K) 9 (Y) 6 (O)

I’m really not that offended by this at all. I mean how can you expect our superiors in every way to give us any emoticon of respect when they’re gearing up to tell us when to exercise, what to eat, to drink more water, and eventually, when society deems it necessary for us to die?

Frankly, I welcome our new ObamaHugsCare overlords. I can see so many problems in our dear country, and it can only be made better by our daily lives being ordered by the government.

Here are some examples:

Are you a Panda who’s been fired from his panda-cam gig at the National Zoo, and been attacked by roving gangs of similarly unemployed neo-Nationalist Socialists roaming the post-apocalyptic Obamanomics landscape? Dial 1-800-FU!

Are you a Miley Cyrus fan who has suffered from tragic twerking accidents, or contracted all sorts of embarrassing Robin Thicke-related intimate diseases? Dial 1-800-FU!

Are you a GOP establishment hack who’s suffering from bleeding ulcers because Ted Cruz’s manliness gives you the vapors and won’t let you sleep at night? Dial 1-800-FU!

Are you a democrat driven to injecting Siberian opiate ‘krokodile’ into your scaly hide because you’re so distressed the government has been shut down? Dial 1-800-FU!

Hey cancer kid, need some chemotherapy? Actually, Harry Reid doesn’t care about you, so you can’t dial 1-800-FU.

Thanks ObamaHugsCare! Keep demeaning me! I love every bit of it!

[The previous commentary on Obamacare may have contained lengthy segments of sarcasm, and should not be taken literally. If you have any questions, please call 1-800-FU.]