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Jose Canseco’s Global Warming Roid Rage

Oh Jose! You were a hero to a younger version of myself – a hopeful little latino who didn’t understand the differences between Mexicans and Cubans! I proudly bragged about owning your rookie baseball card to my friends [not the real one, the expansion one – we were poor latinos!].

And oh, how the mighty hath fallen.

Jose Canseco went on a tear about global warming tonight.. I just had to record the craziness:

Yeah you guys are such clowns! POLAR BEAR MURDERING CLOWNS!! I think he’s just sleep-tweeting a nightmare? Lay off the late night snacks, Chuey*.

An enormous baseball bat to beat all the CO2 out of the atmosphere. We’re gonna need a lot of steroids to lift that bat, Jose, for the polar bears! Where can we get some? Does Mark McGwire have a twitter?

Grammar and spelling are inconvenient truths for Jose Canseco.

People with lower body temperature live longer?! I wonder if people with lower IQ live longer, because Chuey here might be a highlander!

The average person didn’t live very long in the pioneer age for just this reason… but maybe the lower body temperature will counteract our early deaths? I hope Canseco is better with a calculator than he is with a keyboard…

I wonder if Jose Canseco’s “hole family” sleeps in flannel pajamas in the snow while he’s out gallivanting at the playboy celebrity golf tourney? And I’m sure he rode his bike all the way out there, right? Right.

Uhm. Yeah. We all miss. Al Gore.

Paging Al Gore, Al Gore – you’re not being loud enough for Jose Canseco, noted Global Warming scientist to hear your lamentations for his loving Gaia.

Sigh. Is this all twitter is for? To show me what idiots my childhood heroes have become?

Yes. Yes it is.


*GringoTranslate: “Chuey” in Spanish is short for Jose. Don’t ask me why, as it’s technically a character longer. It just IS.