Breaking: Cap’n Crunch is a Lawless PIRATE!!
I never even stopped to consider just what makes Cap’n Crunch a real “cap’n”?!?! That’s the difference between real journalists like Jake Tapper and errant bloggers like myself. He asks where we merely assume:
@RealCapnCrunch With what Navy are you affiliated?
— Jake Tapper (@jaketapper) August 27, 2014
A few hours later, the invidious “cap’n” responded:
Oh @jaketapper, as a citizen of the sea, I answer to no “navy” but the higher calling of justice! (So to answer your question I don’t know.)
— Cap'n Crunch (@RealCapnCrunch) August 27, 2014
Uh, buddy, if you’re going around calling yourself a “Cap’n” but you have no idea what Navy you’re associated with, I’m pretty sure that makes you a lawless pirate!!! I’m shocked and disappointed. Next we’re gonna find out that Hello Kitty isn’t a cat, or Count Chockula is just an emo wannabe vampire.
What’s the world coming to?!?!