There’s a CONSPIRACY at Baltimore And These Online Sleuths Are BUSTING it WIDE OPEN!!

There’s nothing like a good ol’ conspiracy to illuminate just what’s going on someone’s mind, or more accurately, what isn’t going on their minds. In this case, there are big empty gaps devoid of good sense, and that’s why they believe the nefarious Baltimore Police have kidnapped a man and are gonna devour his brains in an intergalactic satanic ritual.

Here’s the ringleader that is bringing this terrible plot to light:

And here are the morons, I mean, his brilliant cadre of online investigators who will obliterate the secret satanic cabal!

Kidnapped! Because there’s no way they read him his rights a few moments later! Everyone knows that you have to be read your Miranda rights in FULL VIEW of the MSNBC cameras! Because the black Constitution says so!

“Disappeared” is a specific term meaning an extra-legal detainment. You can tell that’s exactly what happened because we can that’s why dammit!

OK, OK, so there’s no evidence they kidnapped him, but we ALL know that they’ve done it a million times, and this is the evidence of it, because they didn’t do it this time, yeah! That’s the ticket!

Shady bastards! Only Illuminati Freemasons use Humvees in their kidnapping endeavors!

But we aren’t done. We’re through the looking glass, people.

Baltimore is WORSE than NORTH KOREA. Seems legit. And worse than the CIA! Man Baltimore is awful!

Worse than North Korean commandos who were trained in the CIA and learned their tricks in Argentina in the seventies! WhOAH!

He’s basically dead. Might as well call his parents and tell them he’s dead because he’s dead because they killed him. Without a shadow of a doubt.

Angry black lady is angry dammit! And she’s found you out, Baltimore Police!!

And for those of you miscreants who think he was just arrested! You poor deluded souls! Elon James knows your number!


Sneaky bastards!!! They waited until after the curfew to start kidnapping people so that it would look like a regular arrest!!! That’s why it looks like a regular arrest! And if you deny that you’re obviously part of the conspiracy!! I need more exclamation points!!!

Wait they mentioned it?! That means they’re in on it! Before when they didn’t mention it, it was proof they were in on it, but now that we know they mentioned it, it’s absolute evidence that they’re in on it! THAT’S HOW CONSPIRACIES WORK, FORREST!

Thankfully the degenerate mongrels who work at Gawker won’t let it go, they’re gonna feed the morons and their stupid conspiracy theories!

gawker disappeared

Notice the time stamp that says 10:53 EST. Somehow the damn cops were able to change that on the teevee! Bastards. They think of everything.

Oh and don’t forget, if you need to have this conspiracy solved, you HAVE TO GIVE MONEY TO ELON JAMES:

No it’s not a scam, it’s not a scam, it’s not a scam. Keep repeating that. That’s how to ward off the illuminati Freemason lizard-alien StoneCutters! So dig deep, sheeple, Elon James needs a nice hotel while striking down conspiracies!

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