Here’s My Catfish Theory To Explain The San Bernardino Terrorist Attack
SO here’s an explanation for the terrorist attack in California that few have noticed, except for your Mexiness.
So I have a theory about the San Bernardino terrorism. I think it was a bad catfish relationship. Hear me out here. 1/12
— el Sooper ن (@SooperMexican) December 8, 2015
So this shy, overly religious guy, Syed Farook, who also has a weird name and can't get any in the Inland Empire, tries online courting. 2/7
— el Sooper ن (@SooperMexican) December 8, 2015
He meets this chick in the "Beauty and the Beast" TV chat room (not a joke, this happened), and she sends him hot pics that are not her. 3/9
— el Sooper ن (@SooperMexican) December 8, 2015
And Farook's like OMG, you look like @kateUpton with a burka photoshopped on!! I can't believe my luck! Thank you allah!! 4/786
— el Sooper ن (@SooperMexican) December 8, 2015
SO Farook sells all his Star Trek collectible MEGO dolls to save up money to fly to Saudi Arabia, right? Because @KateUpton in a burka. 5/67
— el Sooper ن (@SooperMexican) December 8, 2015
Dammit what number am I on?!? 6/34 Oh ok thanks.
— el Sooper ن (@SooperMexican) December 8, 2015
So dude is like going nuts, and Fashmean or whatever her name is, is now sending gentle hints that it's not her in the pics, right? 7/77
— el Sooper ن (@SooperMexican) December 8, 2015
CashFiend? Masheen? Miami Dolfeeen? Whatever her name is. Anyway she's like, "oh dude i was so nervous i gained 100 lbs…" 8/234
— el Sooper ن (@SooperMexican) December 8, 2015
"…and er.. I got plastic surgery to NOT look like @KateUpton, because I didn't want anyone to confuse us at the airport" – TrashBeen 9/9.8
— el Sooper ن (@SooperMexican) December 8, 2015
And he's a like, "baby I don't care what you look like, I'm in love with your murdering heart. Wait.. plastic surgery? what?" – 10/5
— el Sooper ن (@SooperMexican) December 8, 2015
So Farook gets off the plane in Saudi Arabia and he sees THIS WAITING FOR HIM… 11/7,980b pic.twitter.com/2LF4kmlnVw
— el Sooper ن (@SooperMexican) December 8, 2015
"ahhhhh dayam….. why did you get the plastic surgeon to make you look like a 10 year old boy?" – Farook to Trashbin 11/45
— el Sooper ن (@SooperMexican) December 8, 2015
And he's like, "oh.. I left my microwave on in Redlands, uhm, I should go back." But she goes INSANE GIRLFRIEND CRAZY on him… 12/8^5
— el Sooper ن (@SooperMexican) December 8, 2015
"YOO said you would marry meeeee!! I'll suicide bomb you right now!!!" – Trashbin Malconent says, and he's like, "ugh. whatever. FINE." 13/2
— el Sooper ن (@SooperMexican) December 8, 2015
After two weeks with terror bride Trashbin, Farook is like, "ugh… is suicide attack my only way out of this marriage? Stupid Koran." 14/1
— el Sooper ن (@SooperMexican) December 8, 2015
And that's my terrorist Catfish theory. My sources at the local DMV say I'm not far off. 15/15
— el Sooper ن (@SooperMexican) December 8, 2015
Addendum:
I don't know how you people go on these numbered tweet story things knowing exactly how many tweets it's gonna take. #WhitePrivilege? 16/15
— el Sooper ن (@SooperMexican) December 8, 2015
I think I might be onto something…
