Politics

SooperMexican Hereby Grants ALL Well-Meaning Gringos a Cinco De Mayo Dispensation

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Hello gringos. This is el SooperMexicano. I have called you to this meeting in order to address a very important subject.

Cinco de Mayo.

We in the conservative Mexican community, or I guess I should say “I”, have heard about some embarrassing and demeaning actions by the gringo community over our holiday. Some of you, the more snowflakey kind, are trying to gringo-shame the rest of you into not celebrating Cinco de Mayo because it is “cultural appropriation.”

This is no bueno, gringos.

As some of the more know-it-all gringos of you have noted every year, the holiday is a minor holiday in Mexico, and only came into prominence after beer corporations marketed it to sell Mexican beer to gringos. But who cares?

As Dana Perino said on the Five, “go order a margarita and have some fun!” If gringo Dana can culturally appropriate Cinco de Mayo, then even the most gringo of you people can do it too!!

Thus, el SooperMexicano, as the duly appointed representative of all sooper Mexicans, and with the full fajita powers invested in me by God, hereby grant a full dispensation to all well-meaning* gringos to wear a goofy sombrero, put on a fake mustache, and adopt a really bad Spanish accent in order to get blasted drunk.

I mean we beat the French military, and we’re getting drunk to celebrate it! What can be more American than that?!?

*just don’t be an ass, ok.