Gender issues

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Citing ‘Triggering’ Concerns, Feminist Convention BANS Clapping, Replaces With ‘Jazz Hands’

I’m very glad that the feminists of the Oxford Women’s Campaign have finally brought to light the scourge to society that is clapping loudly. We courageous sufferers of “sensitivity to hands whacking against each other syndrome,” or STHWAEOS, can come out of the darkness, into the light, and fear no clapping:

This was in response to some of my fellow STHWAEOS sufferers who spoke up bravely:

And MURMUR triggers too!

Also chatting, chatting is a definite no-no for us who suffering from deep chat sensitivity:

And whooping, stop the damn whooping you insensitive monsters!!

Of course, this inspired a lot of Twitter mockery by insensitive jerks who don’t understand what special snowflakes feminists are, and how they’re going to change the world as soon as clapping, whooping, chatting and murmuring are all banned so that they can leave the house safely.

And the mockery is probably gonna trigger them too:

If any hot feminists need a hug to recover from the Twitter trolls, oh wait. There’s no such thing as a hot feminist, forget it.

Damn misogynists, they’re probably bought and paid for by the Patriarchy! [Patriarchy, if you’re reading this, I have a PayPal donation button here]

I am woman hear me roar, but not clap because that freaks people out. Probably roaring is out too.

Horrifying: Video of Afghans Beating to Death And Burning Body of Woman Accused of Burning Koran
  • BigGator5

    Up Twinkles!

  • WayneH

    This is right up there with the stupidest thing I’ve seen this week.

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  • 20thCenturyVole

    “super inaccessible”? Can we speak english, please?

  • Tiffini

    it’s hard too tell which ones are real and which ones are mockery. Best laugh I had since we spent 2 hours mocking this on twitchy. 🙂

  • politicalcynic

    The pity of this is that it is just WAY too easy to mock them. It’s like shooting feminist whales in a barrel.

  • Tallulahdahling

    Okay, there’s a picture of Sandra Fluke and she has a fair-sized mole on either arm. Ever since I was little, I’ve had mole anxiety. Every time I see a mole that isn’t particularly attractive, which is most of them, I’ve always had this fear that I would grow one just like it.

    Sometimes I have nightmares of moles growing all over me! And they’re triggered by seeing especially troubling moles in real life. Sometimes even a badly-placed freckle can set me off.

    Now that our society is going down this super-duper ultra-sensitive considerate path, I’d like to request that people cover up all of their moles so that I don’t have to cope with my life-long mole-neurosis. I’m the one with the unfortunate problem, so I’m the one who gets to be considered.

    I wonder if I could get a law passed about this? Maybe everyone could wear burkas so I don’t have to find coping strategies.

  • Tallulahdahling

    Seriously, though, I do have times when the cacophony in a public place – say a restaurant – makes me so nervous that I just *have* to get out of there. I can’t STAND it. And you know what I do?

    I get out of there.

    I don’t ask everyone to please talk quietly, to please be considerate of my sensitive nerves. Why? Aside from the fact that I don’t want somebody’s coleslaw flung at my head, I really do not want to spoil people’s enjoyment. My nerves are my responsibility.

  • Kauf Buch

    I just don’t understand…
    WHY DIDN’T THEY USE the international symbol of freindship:
    1) make a circle with the thumb and index finger of your right hand,
    2) point the index finger of your left hand,
    3) motion the pointing finger in and out of the circle.

  • dingo

    Feminist Jazz hands? aah,You girls,.. so clever :^) Its cute as a bugs ear ;^) Carry on,you Rascals, Its attractive in a sexual way. ;^) and it’s ,……uh-oh, now look what you have done to my nether region. 8^0 now I want a cigarette LOL

  • Ashley Rose Lewis

    Do they know what ‘inaccessible’ means? ‘Whooping’ can’t be ‘inaccessible’ being accessible requires it to be a NOUN. You cannot access a verb. You cannot access running. You participate in running. The only person who couldn’t participate in ‘whooping’ would be someone whose larynx has been removed.

  • Flo

    This insanity cannot be real… it’s just too much. Where do these people grew up?! In a mental hospital?!

  • Xuncu Morton
  • Matt

    I wonder if they considered that ‘jazz hands’ is how deaf people clap, for obvious reasons. Which means that, in order to ‘feel safe,’ they’re borrowing from, and making a mockery of, ACTUAL DISABLED PEOPLE. Good god, there just aren’t enough words to describe how silly, petty, and stupid this is. What’s next? Arguing? “Please do not discuss things at the panels, as discussion is a form of aggression and many of our participants are feeling triggered by discussion.” Just take what they have to say as gospel, wave your hands around in appreciation, and move on please.

  • Ozy

    Feminists make me anxious.

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  • Chester Field

    wouldn’t it just be easier to shoot the 0.0001% that are triggered by clapping?

  • Jay Hadinoto

    I’m sorry, we’re already at that point. Ever see someone disable comments or ratings in their videos? The Blockbot on Twitter?

    Clapping is Triggering? I think I’ve found a new low… and maybe something to heckle mercilessly. What if someone finds Jazz Hands Triggering? What are you going to use next, little signs denoting your approval?

    I’m waiting for sound to be considered too Triggering for people. That’s how ridiculous this sounds… oops, triggering… 😛