Foreign Policy

VIDEO: North Korea’s Kim Jong Un Battles Colonial Imperialism Even With a Debilitating LIMP!

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un showed just how tough it is to defeat global colonialism on a daily basis when he revealed that he is suffering from a debilitating limp during a ceremony on Tuesday. No doubt the many years of mangy capitalist pigs biting at his heels for so many years have taken their toll on the glorious chubby leader.

As there is no official explanation of the lurching leader’s glorious gait, many barking devils of the faltering American wasteland shamelessly concocted obviously false stories to smear the Dear Leader. Some spuriously speculated that perhaps our leader’s girth caused him to stumble and sprain his angle, which is a great libel because as we all know, his imperial physicians have confirmed that Kim Jong Un has not an ounce of fat on him. Rather, unlike the starving peasants peppering the forsaken countryside, our leader’s bodily specimen is muscle, bone, fluffy determination, and portly power.

Others said he was bitten by a dog while trying out a recipe that President Obama transmitted to him. This is false as well, and sounds as if it were cooked up in the fetid halls of the seditious CIA or the fallacious FBI. Our leader could easily escape the treacherous grasping maws of a dog with his cheetah-like reflexes and his “crazy despot” Kung Fu style, which has disabled many many imperialists over the years. Many.

Finally, the most perfidious insult is to suggest that the American military’s continued attempts to disable our impervious leader have somehow achieved success. The faithful and loyal denizens of the “Hermit Kingdom” know full well that no North Korean leader has ever been struck by the nefarious machinations of the dark-souled West, and never shall be!

Sources say that the North Korean military is already practicing to march with a limp in order to assimilate the leader’s genius into their repertoire.

We hope and pray to Kim Jong Un that he will heal Kim Jong Limp.

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