Politics

A Yuge Comprehensive Guide To Trump Surrogates’ Alternate Realities!

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If you paid careful attention to the Sunday news shows this morning, you noticed something that might be confusing to many – it appears that Trump surrogates have created for themselves ANOTHER alternate reality to deal with Trump’s schizophrenic campaign.

This is an attempt to explain and unravel the many alternate universes invented by Trumpendejos.

Alternate Reality #1: Trump winning by hitting back!!!

In this alternate reality, glorious leader Donald is extinguishing all dissent by crushing any opposition!! All accusations have been demolished through the Trumpiavellian tactic of “hitting twice as hard!!!” Americans have responded remarkably to this, and he leads in ALL polls!! Hail Trump!!!

Some of the normal Trump supporters on this camp, ALL of the Trump cult members are in this camp, but all Trump surrogates joined a mass exodus from this untenable reality to the second one…

Alernate Reality #2: Trump winning by sticking to the issues!!!

This is the reality that emerged today. Trump surrogates have quit trying to convince Trump himself to stick to the issues and stop hurting his campaign, and they’re trying to persuade the media and the public that Trump has done this. You might experience some cognitive dissonance between what they say, and what your eyes and ears are telling you. This is normal, do not panic.

Some proponents of the alternate reality #2 include Vice President Mike Pence:

Pence is also sobbing uncontrollably inside as the last smoldering embers in his soul are extinguished by his own mendacity.

Another resident of alternate universe #2 is Giuliani, who assured a confused Jake Tapper that Trump is sticking to the issues on “State of the Union” this morning. In his reality, Trump is NOT talking about rigged elections at ALL!! Then suddenly he was caught up in a vortex during the interview, and sucked into alternate reality #1 where Trump IS talking about rigged elections and encouraging armed insurrections:

All accusations have been demolished through the Trumpiavellian tactic of “hitting the issues twice as hard!!!” Americans have responded remarkably to this, and he leads in ALL polls!! Hail Trump!!!

Meanwhile back in our reality:

Unfortunately, Newt Gingrich is the one holdout that was left on actual reality, and he’s pissed off that Trump is losing badly by bashing his accusers’ looks:

We expect Newton Leroy to barricade himself to a moon base in our reality soon.

Keep checking for updates on the alternate realities Trumpendejos come up with to try to deal with the orange-faced orangutan’s insane rantings!!!